Notice Anything?

About a decade ago, I stopped making new year's resolutions. I had never kept them for any significant period of time, they were always the same and nothing changed in my life as a result from year to year. I think the problem was that I made too many. It was not enough to just eat better. I also had to exercise more and be more grateful, less angry, and... basically will myself into the best version of me overnight.

Then, I heard that the *new* thing to do was choose a word for the year and focus on that one thing. That sounded doable.

At the end of 2017, I was in a funk. Shawn was struggling with dizziness and migraines. He had been in bed and out of commission for months. I was discouraged and overwhelmed.

The truest truth I can tell is that in those hard times, I get very self focused. It's not pretty, but that is where I go. In the midst of the loneliness of care giving I struggle to feel that Shawn loves me and I only see all that I am doing for him. I can convince myself that I do all of the loving in our relationship and he does all of the receiving. Pain and suffering tend to really narrow the thinking and focus of my life.

Thankfully, I was able to realize how limited my gaze had been and in January, I challenged myself to lift up my eyes and NOTICE the truth instead of dwelling on my feelings and circumstances. Notice became my word for 2018.

I started the year intentionally noticing the ways that Shawn loved me, no matter how small. And they were small. I made a list every night before I went to sleep: "he stopped in the hall and gave me a hug," "he took out the trash," "he watched a movie with the kids," "he sent me a text at work".

None of these are big deals on their own. In fact, in a typical relationship it might be considered somewhat pathetic if this is the extent of one's expression of love. But, my husband could barely walk without falling into the wall, so stopping to hug me, was huge. Taking the trash out was a sacrifice of precious energy. Watching a movie with your children when you have a migraine is, I've been told, very painful. And the text meant he was thinking of me and I was just plain wrong about the direction of love in our relationship.

Here's what I learned. What I pay attention to matters. I took the time to NOTICE and I felt loved. My circumstances didn't change but the climate of my marriage did.

This has been a turning point for me.

When I am in a dark place, I often feel that God has left me alone. My heart cries, "where are you, God?" But the truth is He never leaves. He is always present and always at work even in circumstances that feel void of His power. I've been challenged this year to look and see (NOTICE) the things that God is doing despite the discomfort and disappointment I experience.

In Isaiah 43:19, the Lord says through the prophet:

"... I am about to do something new.

See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

When I pay attention I notice:

• His love and grace for me, even when I focus on the wrong things.

• His provision, even when I want more.

• His restoration, even when things seem without hope.

• His redemption of heartache, and

• all the ways He is constantly working resurrection in my life.

It's been a year of change, transition, growth and progress. I'm so thankful that I have been paying attention.

How about you, have you noticed God do anything this year?

He is at work and He is enough!